stop

i was just about to stop today
when i saw your face
swimming through the crowd like a happy little bubble
flying through a sea of paper souls
and i am trying to keep up with this goose chase
this fruitless search
for yours is a vision
of an image
of a very very faint illusion
that being something you think
you see
so i try to find what isnt there
like alice and that grinning cat
like that voice that is constantly changing directions
my what an amazing trick you have discovered
teach and i will learn
laugh and i will sing
raise your hands in elation and joy
and i will hang my head in fear and shame
what do you think is going on here
there is a window of opportunity directly below you
so jump fall crash
jump jump jump
into this well shaped hole i call my heart
into this superconducting, supercolliding
incarnation of my neglected genius
dont stand there like a tree in central park
waiting for you leaves to fall slowly to your feet
take your position in this place
where a man is a man
a woman is a woman
and a life dont mean shit when you've got a gun
ive had my fill of the rest of this world
with its car chases
and brutal criminal tresspassing
and everything else that dont make a damn lick of sense
unless you've got a phd in the what the fuck was that
'what the fuck was that' my mother used to say
as i ran through the house
with my take no prisoners, as seen on tv psycho rifle of doom
you say your parents taught you values
i say mine taught me how to use the remote
and now thanks to them i am stuck out in the open
with my ass on the ground
and my head in my hands
waiting for the patient little devil
whose hands create the winds that blow us to our knees
so that we may pray it, say it, pay it, play it
want it, need it
chalk it up to nothing more than a very bad day
or karma with a strap on
and believe you me
karma is most definately a coming
shes giving shape to thoughts
and placing hope where hope never dreamed of being
give it time to mend bend, wrend into this form you see before
this form that keeps on sliding, biting, fighting with all my might
to keep on loving, living, wanting, needing, running, breathing
and you are the center of my earth
but if you ever think of walking through that door
i will stop!

untitled first hope project

and the yellow eyes of death
what give you your dying breath
burn from nothing but the best
which is the absence of all hope

and it is in these balls of flame
that dance the dead, both strong and lame
and all the souls that own the blame
for all the pain the world endures

and every pointing finger shows
what every righteous person knows
that all the hatred always flows
from every other human being

and now when nothing can be seen
nothing filthy, nothing clean
when love is few and far between
except for one's own self

a crack will open in the dark curtain
and although i am not certain
all the pain and all the hurtin'
will decrease a few degrees

and if you can stand on broken feet
and kiss the sun to spite the heat
then its with pleasure you will meet
the only one whom you can cope

you

yourself

can hope

disintegrate

frightened
fixed
torture baked into eyes
that shake like salt
im dried up
tall paper on dust legs
bones that are sticks that are cotton
begging for water
but not water
that thing that is water
for the other body
the l word, the l word
i hate the l word
no one and everyone knows
the feeling you get
when you are unwanted
like a desert walking
like a dried up used thing
dying to be replenished
waiting forever for the sun to die
waiting to be touched
by anyone
who would dare
but the knowledge
that it will never happen
turns me again
from sand to glass
to dust to air
and back again
leaving me to wait
to disintegrate again tomorrow